Crying…

SO not a fan of crying. I don’t mind it at all when other people do it, but I have spent enough of my life weeping. Plus, these past 2 years I have had a feeling that if I let myself go there, I would never come back from it. The last thing my family needs is a wife and mommy who is a blubbering mess. Maybe someday I will be able to let the tears fall freely, but now is definately not that time. I was sitting in Buddy’s Early Intervention meeting today with two of his therapists and some nice ladies from the county and school system, and while trying to describe how Buddy has been doing since we last met (which helps them to understand more is abilities and disabilities when trying to evaluate what his program is) suddenly the waterworks started. I wasn’t embarassed and nobody even seemed anything but compassionate, but it took me a few minutes of stuffing, packing, and mentally pounding my heartbrokeness into submission before I could move on.  The lump has stuck with me all day though. I don’t even think I realize how much daily stuffing of feelings and emotions I really do. I’ve just become used to making myself stay positive and believe in hope and my faith, but it seems there is a well spring of pain despite my best efforts.

 Buddy learned how to give kisses and he gives many and often. Sissie learned to love taking a bath again.

“Your Hands” by J.J. Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when…

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave…
I never leave Your hands

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