This article falls under one of things I’m SO SO SO passionate about. While reading it, I experienced anger, grief, horror, confusion, disbelief, nausea, a broken heart, and I’ll admit, the TINIEST shred of respect (I don’t even know if that is the right word but it’s close enough) to Lisa Harris for speaking transparently even when it didn’t leave her smelling like roses.
If I had the emotional stamina to dissect it and itemize everything I wanted to touch on, I would. But quite honestly, it would leave my heart shredded and raw. My family needs me to be the whole and beating heart of our home, so I will just continue to pour out my heart to my Heavenly Father at the senselessness and horror.
“When I was a little over 18 weeks pregnant with my now pre-school child, I did a second trimester abortion for a patient who was also a little over 18 weeks pregnant.
As I reviewed her chart I realized that I was more interested than usual in seeing the fetal parts when I was done, since they would so closely resemble those of my own fetus. I went about doing the procedure as usual, removed the laminaria I had placed earlier and confirmed I had adequate dilation.
I used electrical suction to remove the amniotic fluid, picked up my forceps and began to remove the fetus in parts, as I always did. I felt lucky that this one was already in the breech position – it would make grasping small parts (legs and arms) a little easier.
With my first pass of the forceps, I grasped an extremity and began to pull it down. I could see a small foot hanging from the teeth of my forceps. With a quick tug, I separated the leg.
Precisely at that moment, I felt a kick – a fluttery “thump, thump” in my own uterus. It was one of the first times I felt fetal movement.
There was a leg and foot in my forceps, and a “thump, thump” in my abdomen. Instantly, tears were streaming from my eyes – without me – meaning my conscious brain – even being aware of what was going on.
I felt as if my response had come entirely from my body, bypassing my usual cognitive processing completely. A message seemed to travel from my hand and my uterus to my tear ducts.
It was an overwhelming feeling – a brutally visceral response – heartfelt and unmediated by my training or my feminist pro-choice politics. It was one of the more raw moments in my life.
Doing second trimester abortions did not get easier after my pregnancy; in fact, dealing with little infant parts of my born baby only made dealing with dismembered fetal parts sadder.”
If you desire to, you can read the article in it’s entirety…